Have you ever thought you were smart, later to find out what you have done has been silly and had the total opposite effect of what you actually pursued? I’ve tried this many times when it comes to creative processes. When I embark to paint something (which rarely happens), this is my experience. I’m thinking what I’m up to will turn out exactly as I envisions in my mind, and because of using the wrong painting tools and not having the regular practise, it ends up looking silly in comparison to what I pursued!
I think this goes for our hearts too sometimes. It’s my heart experience at least. 🙋
For years, my heart was surrounded by thick walls built of destructive bricks. Bricks of insecurity, self hatred, control, perfectionism, people pleasing, unforgiveness, bitterness, and that’s even only to name a few.
Sin, like these bricks are, always promises us satisfaction and safety, but ends up stealing from us. I thought each brick would build a wall of protection from getting hurt, but instead I built a destructive prison of isolation. What I envisioned would be good for my heart turned out to be silly, even traumatic. Just like my painting efforts.
My heart result was a numb, masked and superficial life filled with addiction. A life lived in denial about the real condition of my heart. I would pretend to be completely fine while I was dying from the inside; isolated in the shame of wrong thoughts which led to lots of negative emotions! Thank God our heart is not static but is ever shaped into His likeness.
So, how do we let the walls fall? How do we let light in?
My experience is we allow ourselves to feel it to heal it, we let Christ take over and be strong for us, and we bring others with us – holding the torch lighting the way for them to be set free as well! ⬇️⬇️
- Allow yourself to feel it to heal it
An important step in my healing process was to allow myself to feel again after years of suppressing my emotions. For a season I would write to my mentor every day and simply put into words how I was feeling.
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It was an exercise in being aware. Waking up. Not faking it for myself or others anymore. Coming out of denial. I began to express instead of living to impress.
It was a tough and humbling process to acknowledge my own weakness and not pretend to be strong when I was actually hurt. Daring to ask for help. Smashing pride in the face. Receiving grace. Letting the walls fall.
My mess was met with love and no sense of condemnation. It was so incredibly healing to realize that emotions are not a curse. They are gifts that make life colourful.
As I submitted my emotions to the authority of the wonderful word of God, the great exchange happened. An exchange of what was momentarily true about me for that which is the ultimate, forever truth about who I am in Him! He lowered my walls brick by brick so I could receive His steadfast love that melts lies away.
2. Let Christ take over and be strong for you!
As my walls came down, I began to come in contact with my own fragility and weakness, which is rarely a fun experience for anyone! It’s humbling for sure! But, I keep practising to just let Christ take over. And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. (2 Corinthians 12:10 MSG)
What a crazy thought! The weaker we get, the stronger we become. This kingdom we are part of is truly upside down!
That’s why we especially as leaders as well need to lead upside down. I once heard someone say: “Before I trust you as a leader, show me your scars.”
How profound. Jesus, our perfect leader, modeled this when He showed his scars to Thomas after His death and resurrection.
When Jesus let Thomas touch His scars, doubt was turned into belief. Jesus showed that His leadership was trustworthy because He could sympathise with humanity. He knew pain. He knew humiliation. He knew weakness. And conquered it all!
May we be people who dare to do show others our scars so that Jesus’ strength can shine forth and be revealed in our human weakness.
3. Bring others with you – hold the torch!
We cannot take people where we have not been ourselves. When we allow the Lord to do the amazing work of wall breaking in us, we become carriers of the freedom and restoration we have received ourselves. We become lighthouses.
Figuratively speaking, we become like the Statue of Liberty; holding a torch of freedom in our hand that lights the way for others to follow.
Free in Jesus, we become people not focused on building walls to protect ourselves but rather people focused on building bridges to reach the lost!
God wants to bring our strongholds to ruin. (Psalm 89:40 NIV) With Him it’s safe to let the walls fall and let LOVE rush in.
So the question is: What do you want gracious Jesus to do for you? Will you dare to lower your wall brick by brick?
He is eagerly waiting for your request. He wants to break through for you.
Trust your heart ❤ to the One who sees hearts like we see faces, who hears ache like we hear voices, and who touches wounds like we touch skin. (Ann Voskamp)
Love you and it it together,
Sandra.
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