For the singles in waiting... 🌹🌹🌹

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Today is the day where chocolate boxes are given, instagram flows with sugary updates in honour of significant others' and the flower shops are booming with red roses ready to be bought! It seems like Valentines' Day has come to stay in Denmark. Waking up to this reality can be hard if you know the only red you will see today is the Netflix logo on your computer screen...

Being serious though, many hearts are aching in the midst of the celebration of love because a longing unfulfilled does make the heart sick, as Proverbs teaches. There is so much that could be said on this topic. So many broken hearts too. Every story individual. For some, past relationships that have not worked out will come to mind. For others, the fear of missing out on a great relationship and marriage is triggered. Others again might just be annoyed by the idolisation of romantic relationships in our society. Wherever you land, know you are seen and cared for.

Below, I will speak to those who desire to wait well for the right relationship that can lead to marriage, despite their past failings, and to those who need encouragement on that journey. <3

'Cause how do you wait well, even when the longing for marriage gets delayed? How do you cultivate contentment on a day like this and gather strength for the days ahead that are unknown, untried, undefined?

Well, I definitely did not wait perfectly but I can share for my experience since my season of singleness is over and I know what helped me. And when I'm thinking back on that single girl I was before I started dating my now husband, Lasse, a few things come to mind I would encourage her with.

So read along, single ladies, and here you go - virtual roses for you because you are a ravishing, ransomed & royal princess daughter of the Most High King! 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Three points on what a royal daughter like you does...

1. A royal daughter represents her kingdom well 👸

With this revelation lived out, you will already have a kingdom, a home, and a family to steward, while it isn't your natural one you are nurturing just yet. To represent the kingdom of God well, immerse yourself into the big, beautiful family you have in the body of Christ, and then you see in time how God will be faithful to your hearts' desires. Don't be busy attaining a new family. Nurture the one you already have. Make friends. Cultivate the ones you have. Be a blessing. Be an encouragement.

A princess represents her kingdom well by living by the word of God, and with her words, thoughts and actions point to him as her hope and anchor, not a relationship status.

Does that mean she cannot date? Of course not. Unless she truly feels it is a sacred time to only focus on her relationship with the Lord, her character, gifts, friends etc.

So if there are prospects of you hanging out with a guy soon, here is what I would remind myself of looking back to represent the kingdom well in that situation:                  (this is not an exhaustible list at all)

• Kindness - This is a good remember as it can sometimes be easy to be arrogant or not wanting to give anyone a chance for some of us girls. There are definitely guys you don't need giving a try hanging out with -  If he is not loving Jesus or his life is not bearing any fruit of the Spirit and repentance, it will be a heavy dance being unequally yoked, and why then even go down that road and drink that coffee? As a princess representing God's kingdom, I would say your time is valuable and needed more important places. But kindness, always.
• Clear intentions - This takes bravery but is a blessing because it creates safety in getting to know one another when it develops to that place of hanging out on a one-on-one basis. (Group settings are an amazing, wise way to start out - group settings reveal a lot about a person) Also, it is a lie that there will be more butterflies to dating if "the game is played" and no words are revealed concerning the intentions of you two spending time together. I believe it is honest and respectful to the other person to set the intentions from the first time two of the opposite sex meet on a one-on-one basis and it can really avoid unhealthy attachments and heartbreaks due to different expectations. Lasse and I did that and it was a relief, and not at all boring after that. It was still very much an adventure getting to know one another even though we had made each other know we were checking each other out. Don't put the pressure on it that you need to know from the first time if this is something you could see progress. Just ask the other person for their intention of hanging out and be honest yourself without promising anything.
•  Your body, your temple - The bible says it best: "Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." 1 Cor 6,19-20 MSG. So practically, I will add to the verse above, be kind to your body by not seeking places of temptations while dating that will want you to go further than your inward and outward commitment to each other shows. Seek hanging out with others and seek public places.

2. A royal daughter takes responsibility for the welfare of others 👸

Use your royal position (you are in company with Paul and Jesus among others) of singleness to serve others in love. Look out for those who are having a tougher time than you are. It can help the victim mentality that can be easy to form. Seek out those other single friends that need a fun Valentines Day just like you!

I remember my Valentines' Days in 2014 and 2015, the two years before I got into a relationship with Lasse, as some of the funnest days of the year! One of the years I enjoyed the most delicious tapas with a girlfriend in her cosy student apartment overlooking Nyhavn while we also watched the Bible series and spoke life over another as we dreamt of the future.

With that I want to say, do what you need to do. Take initiative to make the day delightful instead of barely tolerable. Set a beautiful table. Buy someone ELSE flowers, like your mum or sister! Attend to your needs, and be brave also in asking someone else in needing your needs of company. If you don't have a sisterhood of girls, be sure to be the brave one to start building one. You can do this!

3 - A royal daughter knows she has a bridegroom already 👸

Yes, you are a bride already. This revelation will make you stand tall and confident, also without a ring on your finger. You belong to a kingdom (God's kingdom), you already have a home and a family (God's family) and you are already pursued by your bridegroom, Jesus.

🌹

A couple of months before I started dating Lasse, I was completely unaware of what awaited me. I leant into God and was probably enjoying my life more than ever, because I was at a place where I rested in the revelation that I have a bridegroom already.

As I was painting in my apartment a couple of days to get my creative on, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me that 2015 would be a year of surprises for me (the relationship a month thereafter definitely was). It would be a year of me exploring the creative more (I started writing, blogging and painting), and He reminded me that there was a door that might seem closed to me, but I needed to open it up. (the relationship with Lasse)

When God impressed these things on my heart, I was excited, but also a bit annoyed because I enjoyed my life so much. I was working a dream study job being a team leader at night reaching out to trafficked women, had great friends, felt really at home in my church, and I had just started to embrace my own creativity by writing.

My writing was actually what got my husband from being attracted and interested in me to begin actively pursuing relationship with me. Why? I think when we live being led by the Holy Spirit and start exploring our gifts and live fully, it is attractive. As we are stepping out and staying the path with what's in our hands, committed to keeping our hearts pure and alive, our life can preach abundance, fullness, contentment, overflow and greatness by serving, long before we are building that life with a husband.  This will be such a blessing, as an inheritance claimed too soon is not a blessing in the end anyways, as Proverbs 20,21 teaches.

I will end with this:

Now, listen daughter, pay attention, and forget about your past. Put behind you every attachment to the familiar, even those who once were close to you! For your royal Bridegroom is ravished by your beautiful brightness. Bow in reverence before him, for he is your Lord!" Psalm 45, 10 TPT.

If you have not waited sexually or simply settled for a wrong relationship, listen to your Bridegroom's invitation above that's as new and dew fresh for you, His princess, today in 2019. The verse says forget about your past. Forget it! Let go! Deal with the hurts, get the help you need, and then move on. Put behind you every attachment to the familiar, even to those who once were close to you! For your royal Bridegroom is ravished by your beautiful brightness. You are clean and forgiven.

Bow in reverence before him, for he is your Lord, not your past.

God knows the desires of your heart! He is working on fulfilling them in the way He knows is best for you.

Reflect on: 

• What desires has God already given to you?
• How can you best use what's in your hand now to become the person of maturity you want to be and meet?
• What prayers do you need to form now to turn worries into worship to get through this season well?
• What is your one healthy next step towards contentment where you are now?

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Enjoy Valentines' day,

Sandra.

by Sandra Hultén