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More intention, less obligation
A new year, a new decade, a new beginning. A clean canvas to fill. 358 days to paint within. What colours and word are you going to choose for the painting of this next chapter? What will you make space for within the framework of this year?
Beginnings hold potential; potential to transition you into a new trajectory in life; potential for blooming. It often takes boldness to begin, for beginnings can feel both bare and brutal, big and beautiful, blurry and bright all at the same time.
Whether your beginning to this new year feel beautiful, blurry, or brutal (or something completely else), I pray you're awake to your heart's desire.
One of my desires for the new year, and even decade, is to live more out of intention than obligation.
An obligation is defined as a duty, a debt (of gratitude for a service or favour) and being bound morally and legally to someone or something. Obligation is not all bad. The bible speaks about how we are obligated to:
- Take care of our families (1 Tim 5:4 AMP talks about it both being a religious duty and a natural obligation).
- Speak in a manner that reflects our fear of God and profound respect for His precepts (James 3:10 AMP).
- Walk and conduct ourselves just as Jesus walked and conducted Himself if we claim Him as God and Saviour (1 John 2:6 AMP - moral obligation).
- Follow the Spirit's promptings instead of the flesh's demands (Romans 8:12 AMP).
- Walk in His ways, His statutes, His commandments, His precepts, and His testimonies (1 Kings 2:3 AMP).
- Righteousness (Romans 6:20 TPT).
Obligations keep us accountable to the ones we love; to our God and our families.
Where obligation gets unhealthy is when the vision for our own life is altered and others' agenda instead get to dictate our days. It affects our fruit and our freedom. Focus and effectiveness is rarely evident in our lives when we are dragged in different directions due to the pursuit of pleasing others:
"But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing!" Romans 13:11 MSG (my emphasis).
It's so easy to live unintentionally with no aim and just do what's demanded of us each day - to go about our errands, stay long for that birthday party because you feel obligated to, keep meeting up with a friend because you always have done it and so on. It's beautiful wanting to delight others. But when these above examples are done to earn approval or acceptance, you wear yourself out. God cares about the motive for our actions, though they look good on the outside:
"Though they fast, I will not hear their cry; and though they offer burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them [because they are done as obligations, and not as acts of loving obedience]" (my emphasis).
God doesn't wants dreadful, dutiful, dulled actions with no heart in it. He wants our loving obedience to the assignment He is waiting for us to steward. He wants our hearts, our all, surrendered before Him. He wants us focused and awake, not sidetracked by others' agendas, demands and expectations of you:
"Since we are approaching the end of all things, be intentional, purposeful, and self-controlled so that you can be given to prayer" 1 Peter 4:7 TPT (my emphasis).
He has an assignment for you this season which takes prioritisation. He wants to partner with you to give your dreams legs.
If you're up for that shift in life, I believe 2020 can be the year where you’ll live more out of intention and less out of obligation. Jesus' death marked the transition from the old plan to the new one, canceling your old obligations once and for all (Heb 9,16 MSG). Therefore you can resist and refuse those who try to tie oppressive burdens of religious obligations on your back (Matthew 23:4 TPT).
Instead, by your beautiful intentions you can continue to do what brings pleasure to him (1 John 3,22 TPT). You can finish what you started last year without intentions growing stale. Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't (2 Corinthians 8:10 MSG).
As you're intentional with your time, treasure and talent this year, you'll make space for new births. It will move you out of being stuck in transition and into the trajectory for your life.
You've got what it takes to finish it up, so get to it. Your heart's been in the right place all along.
Whether you intentionally begun this new year or you have stumbled into it, the matter of fact is that it has begun! And though what you have intended to build into this year seem insignificant, know that the Lord delights in small beginnings and asks us not to despise them.
Remember the promise that “[...]Though your beginning was insignificant, yet your end will greatly increase” Job 8:7 AMP (my emphasis).
More intention, less obligation in Jesus' name.
Walk in His liberty.
All the best,
Sandra Hultén.
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Picture: Sophie Vestergård (instagram-handle: @sophvest).
For the singles in waiting... 🌹🌹🌹
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Today is the day where chocolate boxes are given, instagram flows with sugary updates in honour of significant others' and the flower shops are booming with red roses ready to be bought! It seems like Valentines' Day has come to stay in Denmark. Waking up to this reality can be hard if you know the only red you will see today is the Netflix logo on your computer screen...
Being serious though, many hearts are aching in the midst of the celebration of love because a longing unfulfilled does make the heart sick, as Proverbs teaches. There is so much that could be said on this topic. So many broken hearts too. Every story individual. For some, past relationships that have not worked out will come to mind. For others, the fear of missing out on a great relationship and marriage is triggered. Others again might just be annoyed by the idolisation of romantic relationships in our society. Wherever you land, know you are seen and cared for.
Below, I will speak to those who desire to wait well for the right relationship that can lead to marriage, despite their past failings, and to those who need encouragement on that journey. <3
'Cause how do you wait well, even when the longing for marriage gets delayed? How do you cultivate contentment on a day like this and gather strength for the days ahead that are unknown, untried, undefined?
Well, I definitely did not wait perfectly but I can share for my experience since my season of singleness is over and I know what helped me. And when I'm thinking back on that single girl I was before I started dating my now husband, Lasse, a few things come to mind I would encourage her with.
So read along, single ladies, and here you go - virtual roses for you because you are a ravishing, ransomed & royal princess daughter of the Most High King! 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Three points on what a royal daughter like you does...
- A royal daughter represents her kingdom well 👸
With this revelation lived out, you will already have a kingdom, a home, and a family to steward, while it isn't your natural one you are nurturing just yet. To represent the kingdom of God well, immerse yourself into the big, beautiful family you have in the body of Christ, and then you see in time how God will be faithful to your hearts' desires. Don't be busy attaining a new family. Nurture the one you already have. Make friends. Cultivate the ones you have. Be a blessing. Be an encouragement.
A princess represents her kingdom well by living by the word of God, and with her words, thoughts and actions point to him as her hope and anchor, not a relationship status.
Does that mean she cannot date? Of course not. Unless she truly feels it is a sacred time to only focus on her relationship with the Lord, her character, gifts, friends etc.
So if there are prospects of you hanging out with a guy soon, here is what I would remind myself of looking back to represent the kingdom well in that situation: (this is not an exhaustible list at all)
- Kindness - This is a good remember as it can sometimes be easy to be arrogant or not wanting to give anyone a chance for some of us girls. There are definitely guys you don't need giving a try hanging out with - If he is not loving Jesus or his life is not bearing any fruit of the Spirit and repentance, it will be a heavy dance being unequally yoked, and why then even go down that road and drink that coffee? As a princess representing God's kingdom, I would say your time is valuable and needed more important places. But kindness, always.
- Clear intentions - This takes bravery but is a blessing because it creates safety in getting to know one another when it develops to that place of hanging out on a one-on-one basis. (Group settings are an amazing, wise way to start out - group settings reveal a lot about a person) Also, it is a lie that there will be more butterflies to dating if "the game is played" and no words are revealed concerning the intentions of you two spending time together. I believe it is honest and respectful to the other person to set the intentions from the first time two of the opposite sex meet on a one-on-one basis and it can really avoid unhealthy attachments and heartbreaks due to different expectations. Lasse and I did that and it was a relief, and not at all boring after that. It was still very much an adventure getting to know one another even though we had made each other know we were checking each other out. Don't put the pressure on it that you need to know from the first time if this is something you could see progress. Just ask the other person for their intention of hanging out and be honest yourself without promising anything.
- Your body, your temple - The bible says it best: "Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." 1 Cor 6,19-20 MSG. So practically, I will add to the verse above, be kind to your body by not seeking places of temptations while dating that will want you to go further than your inward and outward commitment to each other shows. Seek hanging out with others and seek public places.
2. A royal daughter takes responsibility for the welfare of others 👸
Use your royal position (you are in company with Paul and Jesus among others) of singleness to serve others in love. Look out for those who are having a tougher time than you are. It can help the victim mentality that can be easy to form. Seek out those other single friends that need a fun Valentines Day just like you!
I remember my Valentines' Days in 2014 and 2015, the two years before I got into a relationship with Lasse, as some of the funnest days of the year! One of the years I enjoyed the most delicious tapas with a girlfriend in her cosy student apartment overlooking Nyhavn while we also watched the Bible series and spoke life over another as we dreamt of the future.
With that I want to say, do what you need to do. Take initiative to make the day delightful instead of barely tolerable. Set a beautiful table. Buy someone ELSE flowers, like your mum or sister! Attend to your needs, and be brave also in asking someone else in needing your needs of company. If you don't have a sisterhood of girls, be sure to be the brave one to start building one. You can do this!
3 - A royal daughter knows she has a bridegroom already 👸
Yes, you are a bride already. This revelation will make you stand tall and confident, also without a ring on your finger. You belong to a kingdom (God's kingdom), you already have a home and a family (God's family) and you are already pursued by your bridegroom, Jesus.
🌹
A couple of months before I started dating Lasse, I was completely unaware of what awaited me. I leant into God and was probably enjoying my life more than ever, because I was at a place where I rested in the revelation that I have a bridegroom already.
As I was painting in my apartment a couple of days to get my creative on, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me that 2015 would be a year of surprises for me (the relationship a month thereafter definitely was). It would be a year of me exploring the creative more (I started writing, blogging and painting), and He reminded me that there was a door that might seem closed to me, but I needed to open it up. (the relationship with Lasse)
When God impressed these things on my heart, I was excited, but also a bit annoyed because I enjoyed my life so much. I was working a dream study job being a team leader at night reaching out to trafficked women, had great friends, felt really at home in my church, and I had just started to embrace my own creativity by writing.
My writing was actually what got my husband from being attracted and interested in me to begin actively pursuing relationship with me. Why? I think when we live being led by the Holy Spirit and start exploring our gifts and live fully, it is attractive. As we are stepping out and staying the path with what's in our hands, committed to keeping our hearts pure and alive, our life can preach abundance, fullness, contentment, overflow and greatness by serving, long before we are building that life with a husband. This will be such a blessing, as an inheritance claimed too soon is not a blessing in the end anyways, as Proverbs 20,21 teaches.
I will end with this:
Now, listen daughter, pay attention, and forget about your past. Put behind you every attachment to the familiar, even those who once were close to you! For your royal Bridegroom is ravished by your beautiful brightness. Bow in reverence before him, for he is your Lord!" Psalm 45, 10 TPT.
If you have not waited sexually or simply settled for a wrong relationship, listen to your Bridegroom's invitation above that's as new and dew fresh for you, His princess, today in 2019. The verse says forget about your past. Forget it! Let go! Deal with the hurts, get the help you need, and then move on. Put behind you every attachment to the familiar, even to those who once were close to you! For your royal Bridegroom is ravished by your beautiful brightness. You are clean and forgiven.
Bow in reverence before him, for he is your Lord, not your past.
God knows the desires of your heart! He is working on fulfilling them in the way He knows is best for you.
Reflect on:
- What desires has God already given to you?
- How can you best use what's in your hand now to become the person of maturity you want to be and meet?
- What prayers do you need to form now to turn worries into worship to get through this season well?
- What is your one healthy next step towards contentment where you are now?
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Enjoy Valentines' day,
Sandra.
Dip your toe in the water
Me. Myself. I. Words that normally would equal selfish to me! But I think there is actually more than one side to these words! They might have gotten too bad of a rap.
This post is some thoughts on how it can be easy to neglect ourselves in the name of selflessness! Thus avoid all that has to do with self so we can be selfless people, living for others. I know at least this lie has lived inside of me!
But I want to learn from Jesus who is the perfect example of being truly connected to His true identity as the Son of God. In order for me to walk in His footsteps and look like Him more and more, I realise how okay it is to know myself - strengths and weaknesses - so that I can be loved and embraced, with flaws and all.
It is also great to be self-aware (without being consumed by self-consciousness) so I can see parts of me I have orphaned, parts that still need the healing touch of Christ, and also to the rejoice over the parts of my self that Jesus' love has transformed.
Me, myself and I are therefore not to be shameful words which need to be avoided in the pursuit of being selfless! I think Augustine had a good point when he wrote in Confessions:
“How can you draw close to God when you are far from your own self?”
My own self is what needs to be honestly engaged in my relationship with God and others. Otherwise the relationship is just hypocrisy. Without engaging my own - at times - selfish, fleshly self, I live without wholeheartedness, not fully alive and just numb. A way I have lived but refuse to live anymore.
Instead I am waking up and rising up to the challenge of becoming aware of where numbness creeps into my life.
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'Cause to live from the inside out, wholeheartedly, I need to be curious about the movements of my heart. My heart from where life flows. It is all about emotionally healthy spirituality. It's about truth and understanding. Of myself and others.
As I have begun dipping my toe in the water - into the depths of my own soul - I have found help in different tools.
First of all, community with fellow believers and seeing myself reflected in the pages of the bible, that's a no-brainer!
But tools like the Enneagram and Meyers Briggs (Use whatever tool you trust and unlock something in your heart) have also had impact on my ability to get aware of my own blind spots.
Used wisely, tools like these are not to put myself in a box but rather to help me break out of them. They can truly help turn blind spots into sweet spots. In cooperation with the Holy Spirit, they can serve as ways to get curious...
They can reveal how I go about a problem and why I go about a problem like I do.
What's my go-to defense mechanism?
What makes me tick?
What am I hiding behind?
We need to be willing to observe our resistance to reality and our attachment to our old self. It is all about taking off the old to lay hold of the new life Jesus has for us.
"We have to be whole to be wholehearted, and reclaim and reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have orphaned." (Brene Brown)
It is so sad to think about how we orphan parts of ourselves!
I have orphaned myself at times because I have been terrified of being a separate self, an individual who must assert myself against others. I would often rather melt and merge into someone else or quietly follow my idyllic daydreams. This default to hide is not awesome. Also, I can easily feel over responsible for others and under responsible for myself.
Therefore I have to be aware of this pattern that when orphaned turn into numbing out and people pleasing where I unconsciously communicate, "Sorry for taking up space! Sorry for breathing!"
Thankfully, I do not have to stay this way!
When I begin to have a grace culture for my own heart, everything has permission to rise to the surface! Also all the nasty stuff! When light invades in to the dark corners of my soul, I can then - and first then - fruitfully light up the darkness around me. Therefore we should not fear digging deep!
We do not look inside to be introspective or to overanalyse ourselves to pieces. That will just turn out to be super overwhelming! We cannot fix or heal ourselves. Instead, we engage the Spirit to do His work in us.
Step by step, little by little, I trust our love will overflow more and more, and that we will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. (Phil 1,9 NLT)
Getting to know ourselves that we might know God is the discipleship work of a lifetime!
So - dive in.
Explore.
Go ahead and dip a toe in the water! YOU are important.
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