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R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – find out what it means to me. 🎵
This well-known song from Aretha Franklin popped into my head as I thought about being intentional about showing respect for one another in relationships.
Respect is key for maintaining healthy relationships. It is about considering others' feelings and treating people the way we want to be treated ourselves. It applies to the small interactions in everyday life as well as to respecting someone's dreams, desires and needs. Scenarios of disrespect are honestly countless. It can appear everywhere.
In our key relationships I think it takes a bit of exploring to find out how the other person feels respected as it is also captured in the song line: “R.E.S.P.E.C.T – find out what it means to me.” It is in the seemingly insignificant, small moments and details of the hustle and bustle of everyday life we find out how can show our respect or lack thereof.
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When respect is lacking, whether because of busyness, indifference or ignorance, (or another reason) little foxes start creeping in that can hinder our relationship with each other.
Song of Songs describes this perfectly:
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming.” (Song of Songs 2,15 ESV)
The Passion Translation commentaries to this verse talks about how these “foxes” are the compromises that are hidden deep in our hearts. These are areas of our lives where we have not yet allowed the victory of Christ to shine into. The foxes keep the fruit of his Spirit from growing within us.
The scripture suggests that an otherwise blossoming relationship (whether with God or man) can be ruined if all these little foxes are allowed to mess with what has been planted of beautiful seeds in our garden of love.
If you have felt the convicting voice of the Holy Spirit about an attitude to confront within yourself towards someone, whether it be a one time event or more of a festered attitude that has crept in, below are a few suggestions that might help you practically take steps towards showing and having respect for someone.
- Ask the person a question every day
A question shows interest and a willingness to hear the person’s point of view. Ask the person a question every day for a few weeks about something you have wondered about in the bible, about cooking, technology or whatever area that person is good at or where you might have shut their voice down previously. The person might shy away from the question the first days if there has been a pattern of you not listening and showing respect beforehand. Just keep asking their help with humility until he/she gains the confidence to step into that area and trust you are listening and respecting their point of view. By doing this, you will empower and encourage the person to gain confidence in what they are good at. Return the favour and ask how you can help them too.
- Give thanks for the differences
It is simple and yet powerful when we start giving thanks in prayer and in person for the different strengths another person has. At first we might give thanks begrudgingly, but with time our view will change and we will start seeing the differences as strength. This is definitely a continual exercise.
- Hope for the future
Whether you have discerned there is someone you need to forgive in your heart, confront in love or work on respecting by asking questions and giving thanks, believe there is hope for the future! There is hope for you! There is hope for you to grow in forgiveness and grace. There is hope for you to grow in asking and listening as a way of showing respect. There is hope for you to be thankful in all things. There is hope for you to discern what is the right application for your situation.
I believe in you, so does Jesus!
Love,
Sandra.
(To clarify: When talking about respect, I am not talking about empowering bad or sinful behavior. In those cases I believe respect looks like either confronting the truth of the hurtful behaviour wrapped in love, or it is to bear over and forgive. Sometimes we will need outside help from a trusted pastor, mentor or counselor to do this. We might not get it right every time, but I believe we can grow in dealing with these cases in a healthy way by God’s grace.)
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