2016
Dip your toe in the water
Me. Myself. I. Words that normally would equal selfish to me! But I think there is actually more than one side to these words! They might have gotten too bad of a rap.
This post is some thoughts on how it can be easy to neglect ourselves in the name of selflessness! Thus avoid all that has to do with self so we can be selfless people, living for others. I know at least this lie has lived inside of me!
But I want to learn from Jesus who is the perfect example of being truly connected to His true identity as the Son of God. In order for me to walk in His footsteps and look like Him more and more, I realise how okay it is to know myself - strengths and weaknesses - so that I can be loved and embraced, with flaws and all.
It is also great to be self-aware (without being consumed by self-consciousness) so I can see parts of me I have orphaned, parts that still need the healing touch of Christ, and also to the rejoice over the parts of my self that Jesus' love has transformed.
Me, myself and I are therefore not to be shameful words which need to be avoided in the pursuit of being selfless! I think Augustine had a good point when he wrote in Confessions:
“How can you draw close to God when you are far from your own self?”
My own self is what needs to be honestly engaged in my relationship with God and others. Otherwise the relationship is just hypocrisy. Without engaging my own - at times - selfish, fleshly self, I live without wholeheartedness, not fully alive and just numb. A way I have lived but refuse to live anymore.
Instead I am waking up and rising up to the challenge of becoming aware of where numbness creeps into my life.
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'Cause to live from the inside out, wholeheartedly, I need to be curious about the movements of my heart. My heart from where life flows. It is all about emotionally healthy spirituality. It's about truth and understanding. Of myself and others.
As I have begun dipping my toe in the water - into the depths of my own soul - I have found help in different tools.
First of all, community with fellow believers and seeing myself reflected in the pages of the bible, that's a no-brainer!
But tools like the Enneagram and Meyers Briggs (Use whatever tool you trust and unlock something in your heart) have also had impact on my ability to get aware of my own blind spots.
Used wisely, tools like these are not to put myself in a box but rather to help me break out of them. They can truly help turn blind spots into sweet spots. In cooperation with the Holy Spirit, they can serve as ways to get curious...
They can reveal how I go about a problem and why I go about a problem like I do.
What's my go-to defense mechanism?
What makes me tick?
What am I hiding behind?
We need to be willing to observe our resistance to reality and our attachment to our old self. It is all about taking off the old to lay hold of the new life Jesus has for us.
"We have to be whole to be wholehearted, and reclaim and reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have orphaned." (Brene Brown)
It is so sad to think about how we orphan parts of ourselves!
I have orphaned myself at times because I have been terrified of being a separate self, an individual who must assert myself against others. I would often rather melt and merge into someone else or quietly follow my idyllic daydreams. This default to hide is not awesome. Also, I can easily feel over responsible for others and under responsible for myself.
Therefore I have to be aware of this pattern that when orphaned turn into numbing out and people pleasing where I unconsciously communicate, "Sorry for taking up space! Sorry for breathing!"
Thankfully, I do not have to stay this way!
When I begin to have a grace culture for my own heart, everything has permission to rise to the surface! Also all the nasty stuff! When light invades in to the dark corners of my soul, I can then - and first then - fruitfully light up the darkness around me. Therefore we should not fear digging deep!
We do not look inside to be introspective or to overanalyse ourselves to pieces. That will just turn out to be super overwhelming! We cannot fix or heal ourselves. Instead, we engage the Spirit to do His work in us.
Step by step, little by little, I trust our love will overflow more and more, and that we will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. (Phil 1,9 NLT)
Getting to know ourselves that we might know God is the discipleship work of a lifetime!
So - dive in.
Explore.
Go ahead and dip a toe in the water! YOU are important.
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Time to unpack
I want to enter the new year light. I want to enter the new year NEW. Therefore, it is time to unpack.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2. Cor.5,17 NIV)
When I started dating my boyfriend, this verse was pivotal in how we wanted to build and shape our relationship. We were aware that we both had baggage we brought into each other's lives and we knew this truth was something we wanted to cling to. The old has gone, the new is here.
We do not want any of us to be defined by our pasts. BUT in reality there is stuff of emotional baggage to unpack before the new can enter and be enjoyed to the full. This becomes so obvious in a relationship!
What we personally experience is that the conflicts arising in our relationship rarely has much to do with the real situation in front of us. It makes sense with these facts I've heard that normally a conflict is only 10 % about the current situation. 90 % of the conflict arises because of past emotions and fears in a similar situation.
The past can easily have power over us if we do not intentionally help each other unpack it.
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A suitcase that needs unpacking was lately revealed to me. It was a suitcase I dragged along that caused recurring conflict in our relationship.
Thankfully, God helped me see differently. Clearly. So that I do not keep punishing the one in front of me for the mistakes made by the one behind me.
Holy Spirit showed me how I am still carrying a suitcase of emotional baggage because of past betrayal. A betrayal that led to hurt, pain, fear, anger, jealousy, doubt & distrust.
Ugly, I know.
I know too though that I’m not alone in this.
Everyone comes with baggage.
Therefore, we resolved early on in our relationship to be courageous and to not fear the shadowy side of the past that every one of us carries.
A part of being courageous is to own our own journey and the wounds it has caused. Another part of being courageous is to be willing to “feel it to heal it.”
It takes courage to do so but it is necessary if we want to live and stand firm in the new life that has already been purchased for us. It is necessary to be courageous in these ways when we want to refuse to let shadows of our past hold our futures hostage.
Do yourself a favor and read Graham Cooke’s stuff full of revelation!! I love this quote from ”Provision & Partnership”:
"The place of struggle is always the place of your breakthrough, but the first thing that has to be broken through in a struggle is you.
It's your mindset, it's your willingness to trust, your willingness to believe the Lord, and your willingness to step into a miracle."
Yes. Struggle - past - present - future - can become birthing ground for miracles when we choose not to let our past define, destroy, deter or defeat us. We can let it refine us and move on and leave it behind us.
Our baggage isn't too heavy for Jesus! With him our past does not have to make us bitter. It can make us better.
New days, new beginnings & new chances await us. New new new. Our Father makes ALL things new.
Jesus is with us. Love goes before us. Therefore, I'll choose trust for the new year! To not trust will just make me miserable anyway!
Let’s pack light for 2016 and keep pressing forward. (Phil 3,13)
Future, I’m so ready for ya.
"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new.
The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!
All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other." (2 Cor 5,17 MSG)
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